Just because you think someone is “the one”, doesn’t mean they think you are.

Just because you think someone is "the one", doesn't mean they think you are.

about loving someone who doesn’t love you back

  • Extra pain is that other person will tell you that you are the one because it’s the easy option
  1. Been down that road. Married the love of my life, had two beautiful children with her. One day, she says to me, “Why did you marry me?” I said, “Because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you…why did you marry me then?” Her response was, “Because I felt sorry for you.”We separated shortly after that…granted, I haven’t felt better about myself from the moment she walked out the door.
  2. This is my biggest fear. My SO is so important to me and I honestly think they’re ‘the one,’ but I always have this nagging at me.
  • Think that’s bad? What if they tell you .you are the one as well, but circumstances mean you can’t be together, and you know that they are absolutely right.
  1. That’s exactly where I am atm. It sucks so bad. I mean what can you do. I’m finding it impossible to move forward. I still hold on to hope and remain optimistic but I think deep down part of me knows this is near impossible. And it’s killing me
  • I’m trying to cope with this right now. She’s my best friend and even said she loves me but that it’s not worth trying to make anything work between us, which I think might be her trying to let me down gently. Though if that’s the case, that shit hurts worse than just telling me she only likes me as a friend. Saying you love someone but that even then they’re not worth the effort or trouble of trying to be with… it tears me apart every day, wishing I was good enough.
  1. I think she’s trying to say she loves you like family not romantically. It’s nothing to do with you not being good enough (if that were true she wouldn’t be your friend).
  2. Two or so years ago, after over 20 plus years, my wife revealed that she loves me as a friend and never had a romantic love for me. The past 25 years has been a lie. I knew she always had a responsive desire, so I always initiated all intimacy. The sad truth is that I always knew that she didn’t love me like that. Denial was easy to accept.
  3. It’s them as much as it is you. Honest criticism here, because I’ve been in the same position, you really need to love yourself. People say this without any context all the time so it really can be an empty nicity.

It's them as much as it is you. Honest criticism here, because I've been in the same position, you really need to love yourself. People say this without any context all the time so it really can be an empty nicity.

 

  • She’s getting married in a couple months. I could have been “the one” for her. I’ve only my stupid then-teenage self to blame for how things turned out.
  1. Don’t stress about it too much. I have had the rare experience where you lose “the one” but then get them back later. Before I got them back I was heart sick, thinking about how my life was doomed and how we should have been together, blah blah blah.Got together, within a very short time realized that I had created an idealized version of what I thought we would be in my mind. It is very likely that if you were actually with this person that it most likely would not have worked out anyway. Since she’s getting married it’s really in your best interest to really focus on that version of it.
  • Or, for that matter… just because you think someone is “the one” doesn’t mean they are.It’s sort of Hollywood-romantic to think there’s only one for each of us, but there are plenty of people who go on to love again.Sorry, didn’t mean to mess up the depressing-ness

 

  • Similarly – just because you think they’re “the one”, and they think you’re “the one”, isn’t a guarantee that it’ll work out

 

  • Doesn’t have to be a bad thing.The reality is that more than likely there is no ‘one’ person. We’re all just a bunch of insecure weirdos looking for answers, pretending to be normal when we’re at the grocery store. If you think about it as someone being ‘the one’ is your hypothesis and dating or telling them how you feel is the experiment, then them not returning it is just a failed experiment in the laboratory of life. I don’t care if you’re Trump Tesla or my friend Mike, no one has any idea what they’re doing. We’re all just trying to figure it out and sometimes that can be awkward and uncomfortable. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take and at the end of the day, no one remembers how many game winners Michael Jordan missed. Just be yourself and don’t be afraid to go after what you want. In my opinion, it’s better to have tried and failed then to always wonder what if. Worst case scenario you’ll have something to learn from and become better for it. Even if it doesn’t seem that way immediately. This wasn’t supposed to be this long and I’m walking a line of cliches.